So today, I discovered a weird pattern that's been appearing in my life quite frequently. So this is what the pattern looks like: someone calls me, and I get excited because I haven't heard from that person in a while, we chill because that person is dying to hang out with me, and a week later the person asks me to do them a favor. And what do I do? I do it for them. People have such sneaky ways of getting the things they want. And here I am, all hungry for love, who is willing to do anything to make them stay in my life. What the hell am I doing? I don't know. But I know what I need to do and that is to change. I am starting to question the initial nature of human beings. Maybe they are evil from the beggining, like some say. Even if they are not, I need to change and that is for sure. Living in the 21st century is not an easy thing. It's about time I start protecting myself.

Things I miss about high school

1. Jean Dotson a.k.a Mama Dee. She was my English teacher in junior year which made me join Yearbook in senior year to have her again. She called me her "bitch" and made me do all sorts of things (like coming to school on Saturday to help her) but I must admit, there will never be another teacher like her. I visited her last year, and she was like "I still have your number on my cell phone!" and showed me her phone. I miss her so much. I was such a pain in the butt but my Mama Dee never abandoned me.
2. Dances. Oh how I loved them. I basically lived to plan dances, go to dances, and reminisce the memories of dances. One interesting things about high school dances is that almost everyone that knows me and Steve J., including all my best friends, thinks I've been to at least one dance with him. But everytime we tried to go to a dance together, something would always come up so we ended up not going to a single dance together.
3. Lunch time. We were so stupid thinking that we, the 11 of us, always had to stick together for lunch. If you have a lunch date with someone else that day, you would have to notify the others beforehand so they don't wait for you. We would always argue over stupid things like who should drive and where we should eat. And I remember everyone would get so annoyed everyday because all Steph wanted to eat was "E-Terk" which was the abbrevation of E-Teriyaki, a cheap and nasty Asian fastfood place. I hated her everytime she said "E-Terk!!!" Stupid Steph.
4. Sleepovers. I remember our sleepovers at Sarah K.'s house. Now that I look back, her parents were so nice to always have us over. They would to-go so much food and we would just eat eat eat all night. And there would usually be some kind of drama, and some romance. Cat and Peter always slept in Sarah's huge closet. Who knows what they did in there. Me and Steve would always fight for the bed and ended up in it most of the time (we still do this when we sleep over at someone's house). We are such selfish bastards. Man, those were the good days. We would wake up and the boys would jump into the swimming pool. I miss those days.
5. Mock Con. I don't think anyone had more fun than I did during Mock Con. Us Radical Party with Shaiya R. as the leader just whooped everyone's butt. It was definitely fun to be a part of the polygamy wedding with Ben and Aaron. I was pimpin it.
6. Alex C.'s parties. Those parties were cool because 1) his house is HUGE, 2) all the cool people from different high schools in the area would come, and 3) the DJ was usually awesome. I remember at one of the parties, someone stole my bag with my camera, phone and wallet in it. But he happened to be Ray A.'s friend, so Ray got it back for me. Haha.

I can go on for days talking about high school but I should stop since I'm tired.

Daily struggles don't mean anything to me
Because it's the life itself that I'm questioning
Who cares if I fall and scrape my knee
When my whole body and soul have been scarred already?

How can I show you all the things I want to show you?
I can say a thousand words, but they won't do anything.
Because words are empty. They flow like water then evaporate eventually.

When you look me in the eyes, can you see my pain?
Can you see the love? Can you see the past that's still hodling me back?

There are things you'll never understand.
And that breaks me.

A New Blog

I had to delete my old blog because it was created in Korean for some reason and therefore was limiting. So here is my new blog, tada!